Hurt
by garganta
Summary: Nothing is more painful than feeling yourself drifting farther and farther away from the things and the people you used to know and finding yourself alone, unable to fit anywhere, unable to find a way out of the reclusion you brought upon yourself in the first place. Sequel to "Hello Darkness My Old Friend".


It was a few days later since her first breakdown she had since finding out thag Alex got attacked. Nobody knew, nobody would ever know, that something like that even happened and she was glad that she perfected her ability to shut down her emotions, to slip on a mask of indifference. She went to work, got home and got drunk before falling asleep; sometimes on her couch, sometimes in her bed.

The short and awkward talk she had had with Nicky did leave her a little bit shaken, though. It was the lies. The lies that they did _"kind of"_ like her. It bothered her. It bothered the blonde that someone would after all those years still go to that length of lying to her.

What for?

What kind of reason was good enough to lie to her even now when only a couple years back she had to take the casualness of things like _"you are a horrible person"_.

No. They hated her. She hated them.

It was just the way it was supposed to be.

That was enough.

* * *

She went to work at a slow pace. Pulling out her phone, she checked for messages but didn't see any. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten any messages on her phone. She didn't even have any contacts in it aside from the other waitresses at the diner- and she hardly ever talked with them _in person_ \- and from her boss. The last message she got was from her boss over a month ago, asking her to work on her free day because Anne- the waitress supposed to work then- had to deal with an urgent private matter.

So, for her, it wasn't ever really necessary to check on her phone. She didn't have friends. Her acqaintances didn't like her.

She was alone.

And, even though she would never voice it out loud or even admit it to herself, she knew that every time she looked at her phone only to see that there was nothing to see...it did sting. Badly.

Upon arriving at the diner, she went to the back to get her apron, before returning. Anita, the waitress whose shift ended, didn't bother to talk to her. She knew that Piper would only give her short, monotonous answers. They all knew that the blonde didn't like to talk.

But since she saw Nicky, those things started to sting. For two years, it didn't bother her. She had numbed herself to these things, she didn't have that desperate craving for the approval and love of others anymore, for human touches. But Nicky stirred something. Faded memories, memories of people she used to care for, memories of people she suppressed and memories she didn't need to reappear.

The other waitresses talked in excited chatter and Piper waited on her own for the current shift to end and hers to begin. It was something she was used to, but now, deep down, she felt something close to humiliation.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

* * *

The next day was Piper's day off. She went to the electronics store to look for an okay tv she could pay off by installments. Piper couldn't afford more than 'okay' and even then, that was expensive.

She walked through the store and took in all the things she couldn't afford anymore, all those glorious and modern things that once were so easy for her to afford, that were so natural for her to have in her home.

Now buying a cheap television and pay it off by installments was a _huge_ stretch for the blonde.

As she strolled through the store her eyes caught a glimpse of a couple, startling her because they seemed familiar. She shook her head and kept on going before she heard a voice that made bile rise in her throat.

"...and that was already the second toaster to break this months. I don't know what you put in there when I'm not at home but it has to stop. I won't waste my money to keep buying you new toasters every other week, Larry."

 _Polly_. With _Larry_. Being _domestic_. She felt her hands start to shake and went to move on towards the tv section when she nearly collided with someone. She kept on moving, even when she heard her name being called. When she was at the end of the aisle she turned around and took another to walk back and out of the store. She kept on walking and walking until she found a bench outside and sat down. Taking out her phone she opened her messenger app and her heart hurt with loneliness like it did every time she saw her chat history.

It was empty but for that one conversation with her boss with the last message dating over a month back.

"Pipes!"

The blonde nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of her name right next to her. She turned to the source and saw her ex-fiancé standing there, Polly walking up to them at a much slower pace.

She remembered when she told him that he was like the moon, not able to shine on his own because he kept glomming on her life for his gain. She remembered what he said back.

 _"At least people can walk on the moon. People get near the sun and burn right up."_

Her former best friend was looking good, just like Larry did. They both seemed healthy and somewhat younger then the last time she saw them. Something was different with Polly, though and it didn't even take a closer look for Piper to figure out what it was. It was her belly. It was big.

She was pregnant.

Piper felt her eyes start to burn and felt as if she was about to gasp for breath as her heart was being squeezed by an iron fist.

"We heard that you were out but couldn't find any way to contact you. Your parents said that you just like closed yourself off of everyone..." Larry began awkwardly.

The blonde was about to retord angrily that her parents weren't even there to pick their daughter up after her release but couldn't stop staring at Polly's stomach. She wondered if the baby was accidental. She wondered if Polly convinced Larry to have a baby together. She wondered if Larry brought the idea up.

The blonde remembered when she and Larry had a small pregnancy scare just before she had to go to prison and Larry brought up abortion in that awkward way in case she was pregnant. Now here he was, having a baby with his ex-fiancées former best friend.

A sudden thought came to Piper and she looked down at Polly's hands and it was immediately confirmed as she saw what was obviously an engagement ring.

She felt the pressure in her heart rise as the iron fist squeezed and squeezed.

"Yes...", she heard herself say, her voice distand and foreign. "I'm out."

"Are you okay, Pipes? I-" Polly began but was interrupted by Piper.

"Don't." Piper had her eyes closed, taking a deep breath. "Don't call me that."

A flicker of hurt was visible in the redhead's eyes but she recovered quickly. "Okay...but we really want to help you. We still care a lot about you."

The blonde's face contorted in disbelief. This was worse than asking for her blessing, by _far_. "No way." She shook her head. Never before had she felt this humiliated. "No fucking way."

She turned around to walk away, hearing the defeated sigh of her former best friend. Her feet then stopped abruptly as Larry spoke up.

"You may act all angry at us, but you know...had you never cheated on me than this never would have happened. You couldn't stay away from the woman who sold you out and now you have nothing. It's your own fucking fault and it's about time that you stopped taking it out on us." It was obvious that he had a lot of pent up anger when it came to here. "We had our chance and you ruined it. The only real talent you seem to have." Polly tried to shush him but he still had one last thing to say. "We tried being nice to you. We tried respecting your feelings when it came to Polly and I. We tried to help you. But I've had enough of your bullshit. We have a good life now. We tried to include you but not anymore. You are no person to have around our kids."

She didn't look back if he was done or if he was still there. She just went home.

* * *

Alcohol was the only refugee she had left but that, too, was starting not helping anymore.

She sat at home, staring at her smashed-in tv screen, the heavy vodka bottle still in there.

She wondered why Larry never wanted to have a baby with her. She wondered what was so different in Polly that Larry had kids- _kids_ \- with her but was ready to ask Piper to abort when they had that tiny pregnancy scare back then.

It was driving her mad. Her thoughts were making her mad. She went out of her apartment into the night of New York and walked. She walked and walked and didn't know where she would end up, where she wanted to end up. Her feet carried her, bare feet, as she had forgotten to wear shoes, freezing, as she had forgotten to wear her jacket.

She ended up at a bridge. _The_ bridge. The bridge were she ended up with a .45oz and burgers after Larry admitted he was fucking someone she knew. The beginning of the end.

She walked up to the railing and leaned her front against it, staring at the dark water as the wind blew through her hair, drying tears she didn't even realize were falling. She stared down, wondering, if anyone would even miss her if she just jumped. Her boss would find someone better than her at waitressing. Polly and Larry were happier without her. Her parents didn't even acknowledge her existence anymore, the same as Danny. Even Cal married before she did and led a better life she didn't fit into.

The rest she didn't even want to think about.

She kept staring down at the water.

In the end, it was all she did. She stared at the lives of others; people she knew and people she didn't know and she didn't fit in either. She ruined what she touched or what she got close to.

She was half laughing and half sobbing as she remembered how Larry turned her moon-metaphor around on her, showing her how she really was, burning people who got too close to her.

She burnt everyone she loved and now they were burning her back.

It was just the way it was supposed to be.

* * *

 **AN: So, here is another story of the small post S3 universe I am creating. Obviously, this will be heavily focused on Piper and her mental state and emotional issues. Of course, Alex will appear at some point but I have no idea how yet. Until then, this is all about my personal baby, Piper (I seriously can never hate her, no matter how badly the writers fuck her up). Again, this was wrutten via mobile phone, so sorry for any blatant and excessive mistakes. And btw, this was inspired by Johnny Cash's version of "Hurt", which is also the title. Please tell me what you guys think with tons of reviews. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
